The Eye of the Beholder
by Kirsten Ann
Summary: There's more to good grades than just being smart. It's a lot more stressful than many believe...I would know. Here's the way our favorite bookworm feels.
1. A New Work Load

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter.**

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_I don't know how much more of this I can take! _Hermione thought frantically to herself. On the outside though, she smiled brightly at Professor McGonagall. The teacher was looking at her expectantly, while holding out a list of first years.

"Oh, Miss Granger, this would be so great of you. These students are in such need of your expertise," McGonagall told her, nearly shoving the list into Hermione's hands. Hermione just continued smiling and looked at the piece of paper.

"Of…of course, Professor. I'd be h-happy to help." With that, Hermione took the list and stowed it in her book bag.

"I knew I could count on _you, _Miss Granger. Now, there are times next to each name, for their study sessions. You start tonight." Then, McGonagall promptly turned on her heel and left Hermione to finish her breakfast. Hermione just stared after her, that stupid smile still on her face.

_Damnit! _She thought. _I have a foot of parchment due tomorrow for Arithmancy _and _I need to check Harry's and Ron's homework. _Hermione rubbed her temples and took ten deep breaths.

"You okay Hermione?" She looked up quickly as both Harry and Ron sat down.

She nodded and replied, "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"It looked like your head was about to blow up, for one thing," Harry

told her with wide eyes. Ron nodded with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, I…I have a headache is all," she replied speedily.

"Yeah, well you might want to get that checked out," said Ron in a squeaky voice. Bloody scary, that was." They both started laughing, but stopped abruptly when they saw the scowl on Hermione's face.

"Har har," she muttered sarcastically. "Now…if you _don't_ mind, I'm off to the library. _I_ have loads of work to do." With that, she stood up and left the Great Hall with her nose turned up in anger.

Ron and Harry stared after her in awe. "How does she do it, mate?" Harry asked with a shake of his head.

"Man, I don't know, but it's a little frightening," Ron replied. Harry nodded and then they went back to their breakfast.


	2. The Edge of Sanity

Hermione looked down at her tutoring schedule for what must have been the millionth time that day.

She was in History of Magic and for once wasn't paying attention. She felt a sharp poke in between her shoulder blades. She looked back quickly at Ron who was staring at her in confusion.

"Why aren't you taking notes?" he whispered. "How will we know what's going on?"

She shrugged her shoulders and turned back toward the head of the class.

"Hermioneeee…" She felt the taps on her back continue. "Oh come on," Ron muttered, trying o get Hermione to turn around.

"Shut up Ron," she said quietly over her shoulder.

"But I have no idea what's going on," he replied incredulously. By now, Harry was looking at both of them curiously. "Hermioneeee…"

Ron was immediately cut off when Hermione jumped from her seat, the chair falling with a loud clatter behind her. "Ronald Weasly!" The room was deathly quiet as Professor Binns just stared blandly at Hermione. He seemed to be stunned to speak.

"_I_ am not alive to keep _you_ from failing! Here's a thought, why don't you pick up a quill and parchment and WRITE YOUR _OWN_ NOTES!" She glared down at Ron and then looked around at her classmates as if daring them to make a comment.

_Ehem._ Hermione looked up at the ghostly professor. "Miss…err…Granger, is it? Is there a problem?"

"No, Sir…well, yes actually. There is a problem. May I be excused?"

"Is it urgent?"

"Yes, Sir." The rest of her classmates were still staring at her in amazement. She rolled her eyes.

"Well, err…Yes, you may be excused," Professor Binns said. The class then stared at him. This was the first time he had ever shown emotion of any kind. He was in shock.

"Thank you." With that, Hermione packed up her books and bag, and walked out of the room in a huff.

Harry and Ron stared at the door and then looked at each other. The whole class began murmuring softly amongst each other. "Why couldn't leave her alone, Mate?" Harry asked Ron softly.

"I…notes…she's just being weird," came the reply. "I'll talk to her later. Don't worry."

"You better," Harry told him looking back toward the door, expecting Hermione to come back through.


	3. An Unexpected Friend

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she walked quickly to the nearest bathroom. When she finally reached her destination, she flung the door open and slammed it shut behind her. Immediately she sank to the floor and began crying into her arms.

_Why can't he ever just leave me alone? _She thought to herself in anger. _He can't do anything by himself…he just doesn't get it!_

"Excuse me…are you planning on actually using the toilet or are you just going to keep crying?" Hermione looked up in surprise thinking that she had been alone. Moaning Myrtle stared back at her curiously.

Quickly, Hermione looked around her and frowned. She had walked into the same bathroom that she, Ron, and Harry had used in their second year to make the Polyjuice Potion. Hermione turned her gaze back to Moaning Myrtle and said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

The effect was immediate. "OH! OF COURSE IT'S SOOO EASY TO NOT SEE ME! I AM DEAD, AREN'T I?" the ghost screeched at her.

"That's _not_ what I meant and you know it," Hermione said trying to calm her. "I just came here to be alone, okay? Is that really so much to ask?" she asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Myrtle looked at her intently. "What's the matter? Little Miss Perfect not so perfect right now?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked her indignantly.

"Well, no one is that smart and that calm all the time," Myrtle explained as if stating the obvious. "So…what's wrong?"

Hermione stared at her in confusion. Myrtle seemed genuinely concerned about her. Even though she and Myrtle had never been the best of friends, Hermione felt she could trust the misunderstood ghost.

She sighed and then said, "I can't take it anymore. Everyone expects me to be this always reliable, genius little pep machine, but I just can't do it anymore. I get almost no sleep because of school, I yell at everyone. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of the Great Hall screaming for help to every one around me, but they just smile and nod as if I'm joking.

"Nobody understands and I can't tell them. When I try they just look at me oddly and tell me I can do it! Well, you know what Myrtle, I CAN'T!"

Myrtle floated above the ground staring intently at Hermione. Hermione had begun crying again as she thought of how everything had been going wrong as her years at Hogwarts progressed. She was amazed though at how much better she felt after venting to Myrtle.

They looked at each other in silence for nearly ten minutes. Finally, Myrtle broke the silence and turned her back from Hermione. "I understand," she said quietly. With that, Myrtle flew off and flung herself down the nearest toilet, leaving a bewildered Hermione behind her.


	4. A Confrontation

Hermione, against her better judgment, did not return to her History of Magic class. Instead, she opted to head to the library to prepare for the first students she would tutoring and to work on other homework. She was not looking forward to her sessions tonight, seeing that the ones that usually needed extra help with school usually didn't even want to go to class at all.

When she reached the library she sat down at her usual table and pulled out the list of students.

_6:30 – 7:00 Yvette Smithers -Transfiguration_

_7:00 – 7:30 Jared Short -Muggle Studies, Transfiguration_

_7:30 – 8:00 Deanna Carlson -Potions_

_8:00 – 8:30 Vincent Crabbe -Charms, Transfiguration_

_8:30 – 9:00 Michael Sellers -History of Magic_

She couldn't help but giggle at the sight of Crabbe's name. She hadn't told Harry or Ron yet that he needed a tutor and she couldn't wait to see their faces.

She put the list away and pulled out her Arithmancy book, a length of parchment, and a quill. She knew she would have to finish it while she skipped her History of Magic class because she didn't have any other free time. Bending over the book, she began to work.

She was about half way done when students began flooding the hallway. She heard them before she saw them and she grimaced knowing she couldn't skive off Ancient Runes. Professor Dylans had hinted that the test he was giving would be worth a large part of their grades.

She didn't understand why he felt the need to test them the first week back in class. She sighed and stood up from her chair. Exiting the library, she slung her heavy bag over her shoulder. Hermione then began walking to her class. Now she would have work, once again, instead of sleeping.

Next thing she knew, she was on the floor and looking up at Malfoy and his two lackeys, Crabbe and Goyle.

"Watch where you're walking, Mudblood," he told with a laugh.

Hermione frowned and stood up. She really didn't have the energy to exchange insults, so she merely apologized quietly and shrugged past him.

He stared at her retreating back in amazement. "Excuse me…has it finally happened? The know-it-all doesn't know what to say?" he shouted at her.

She stopped and turned around to face him. "Listen, Malfoy, I'm really not in the mood right now, so can we do this later?"

He laughed and replied, "What's the matter, Mudblood? Scared to be without Potty and the Weasel?" The three of them took a step toward Hermione and she noticed the corridor had emptied of everyone but them.

She just stared at them and finally, after what seemed like hours of silence, Hermione found the energy to respond. She ran at Malfoy and shoved him against the wall. Crabbe and Goyle stumbled toward them in attempt to help their leader.

She took one hand away from Malfoy's throat and pointed her wand at the approaching thugs. "Take one more step and I will not hesitate to hex you into oblivion," she told them menacingly. They immediately stopped and just stared at her and Malfoy in wonderment.

She turned her attention back to Malfoy who was whimpering in fright. "Listen to me, you stupid jerk," she began in a cold whisper. "I am getting sick and tired of you harassing me whenever you feel like, which is in fact all of the time. Ever since we met, you have treated me worse than the dirt you walk on with no reason other than the fact that my parents are muggles."

She paused and looked at Malfoy's face, which was turning a curious shade of purple. Hermione then looked at her hands, which were still clutching his throat. She removed them quickly and grabbed the front of his robes instead.

She continued her lecture. "So now I am warning you, Malfoy. Whenever you do anything upsetting in the least, I will jinx you so bad that it will make that black eye I gave you in the third year look like a freckle." Then she shoved him out of her grasp and put her wand away.

Malfoy then stumbled back toward Crabbe and Goyle as Hermione ran to her next class. "She's going to pay for that," he told them quietly. "She's going to pay."


	5. A Tutor Breaks Down

_Only one more to go,_ Hermione thought to herself. She watched as Crabbe packed up his school things and walked out of the library as another boy walked toward her. She watched as his eyes searched the library and finally settled on her. He ambled to her and sat down coldly.

Hermione raised her eyebrows and watched him lay his bag on the table. "Michael Sellers?" she asked him, looking down at the name on his bag.

"Yeah."

"I hear you're having trouble with History of Magic…so what exactly is the trouble?" she asked him pulling out parchment and her eagle feather quill.

"Yeah…it's stupid and boring and stupid and exhausting and stupid. Did I mention stupid?" He looked at her expecting her to yell at him and say he was being a snot. Needless to say, he was mildly surprised when she merely yawned and rubbed her temples.

"How old are you, Michael?" she asked him, catching him off guard.

He looked at her suspiciously and replied, "eleven…

"What house are you…Ravenclaw?" she asked next.

"How did you know that?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Don't tell me you haven't heard…Hermione Granger knows everything," she replied dryly. They sat in silence for a few moments and then Hermione spoke again. "Here's the deal, Michael…you don't belong here."

"Excuse me? Just because I'm a little slow with history, doesn't mean I shouldn't go to Hogwarts!" he exclaimed indignantly.

Immediately, Madame Pince, stalked over to their table and whispered harshly, "Be quiet or you'll never set foot in here again." Before they could answer, she went back to her desk in a huff.

Hermione just shook her head and turned back to Michael. "That's not what I meant, "she told him quietly. "I meant that you don't belong at a tutor session. You're faking it, aren't you?"

He stared at her, a blush rising to his cheeks. He then asked, "W-What are you talking about? Why would I fake being s-stupid?"

Hermione placed her worn out face into hands and stared at Michael through her fingers. Not removing her face from her hands, she said in a muffled voice, "Michael…you were chosen for Ravenclaw for a reason. You're smart. You know it and I know it. What I don't know…is why you're lying to everyone and dumbing yourself down."

Michael looked at her in shame. "How can you know I'm faking?" he asked in awe.

"I know everything, remember?" They both laughed and then stopped abruptly and Madame Pince gave them a death glare. "So spill," she added.

"What if I don't want to be smart?" he asked quietly, his head hung in embarrassment.

"What?" she asked in a shocked voice.

"I said 'What if I don't want to be smart?'" he repeated breathlessly. "What if I'm sick of everyone making me feel like a nerd and expecting me to doing everything? I'd rather be stupid than smart…now go ahead," he said angrily. "Go ahead, tell me I'm being a baby and that I should just grow up."

Hermione looked at him and asked, "Now why would I do that, Michael?"

He just gawked at her.

Hermione sighed and continued. "You're feelings are entirely understandable and believe me, I would know. But listen…you can't just act stupid when that's not who you are-"

Michael quickly interrupted her and said, "But I've been doing it all year-"

"I don't understand how anyone could get bad grades on purpose."

"You don't get it," he told her sadly. "You're a bloody tutor…you can handle it."

Hermione looked at him dejectedly and replied, "You'd be surprised at how much one person can hide behind a smile.

"What do you mean?"

Hermione sighed, wondering if she should pour out her soul's secrets to Michael. Finally, she decided if anyone would understand her, he would. "I handle it, not because I want to, but because I need to. I pushed myself way to hard when I first got to Hogwarts and before I realized what I was doing, the work and responsibilities just piled up.

"It's too late for me to set some of that stuff down because I'd be letting a lot of people down. I'm fifteen years old and I feel like some old lady. But no one sees that because I've grown very accustomed to hiding how I feel.

"But it's not to late for you, Michael. You still have the opportunity to be smart but not go overboard. You can still say no, while I, having said yes so many times, just can't find the strength."

Michael looked at Hermione and watched as tears welled up in her eyes. He had no idea what to say so he could only stare as she cried silently waiting for him to respond. Finally, he stood up and walked over to her side of the table and hugged her.

After a few moments, when her tears began to subside, he released her and sat next to her.

She smiled at him and said quietly, "I would really appreciate you not telling people about this." She gave a small laugh and continued, "People would start crying '_Apocalypse' _if they found out Hermione Granger had a mental breakdown. Then she looked down at her watched.

"That's it for tonight I think," she told him while regaining her composure. "Hey, I'll see you next week okay…that is unless you change your mind about school."

He looked at her sympathetically and said softly, "I'll be back, but so you can have someone to talk to. 'Cause I really think you need that. Later, Hermione." With that he stood up, grabbed his bag, and walked out of the library.

Hermione just stared after him. Suddenly she felt something odd. Her first real smile in weeks was growing on her face.


End file.
